Turning out the light; memories of birthday eves

Ever since I can remember the night before my birthday has never been a very restful night. When I was younger I used to lay in my bed while visions of my future gifts danced in my head like the Who's Christmas sugar plums. 

(I will admit that I have been known to get very into the whole "celebrating me" day idea.)

However, I always waited for my mom to come and turn off the hall light. As she did this task she would lean her head in and say, "It's your last day of being 8!" or whatever the age may be. 

Tonight I am sitting in my apartment, and visions are certainly dancing in my head but they are images of her. I am remembering how I would listen to my mom getting everything settled down before bed and wait excitedly for her to come say something to me. 

Tonight I am remembering how every year I could anticipate receiving a handcrafted, almost magical card from Aileen. I am remembering how Aileen would always ask my mom if Roland could take my bed by the window. Her argument always was if a giant wolf jumped through the window I would sleep through it. I am remembering our late night dance parties in our room that almost always got crashed by mom. I remember when we first had Polly and Nelly and how we would snuggle them (with plenty of towel protection) against our necks while mom read to us. I am remembering also when you decided to have your own room, and how I cried myself to sleep in mom's room for weeks after because I couldn't get used to not having you close. 

Tonight I am remembering how Kristen has always been my birthday party tea companion of choice. I don't remember how many times we had private birthday teas. I wouldn't have it any other way :). I'm remembering how we used to love when the crossing guard would ask if we were twins. I remember how we picked out our special tree, but only went there once. Also how we spent a week collecting snails in third grade only to find out to our horror that snails can change their genders. We released them immediately. I am remembering how while you were in Vienna I started washing my face more than once a day because it reminded me of you for some reason. 

Tonight I am remembering how I LOVE the month of April. How my dad would take me outside so we could look for the first crocus of year. I'm remembering how I got grounded because I wouldn't help do the dishes because, "I needed to finish calculating the days until my birthday.":)

I'm remembering my 16th birthday and my first date with Joe. 

I'm remembering how Pizza and cheesecake have been my birthday meal for ages. 

But most of all, tonight I am flooded with all the little moments of my life that have been stitched together with the lives of you whom I love the most. Tonight I feel farther away from everyone that I love. 

So I wish to say I'm glad that I have a chance to remember and celebrate the day that I got to join you all here.  

P.S. The picture above was on my google search and when I put the curser above it it said, "Happy Birthday Maren!" I will say I didn't think my internet search engine would be so thoughtful!